Whenter is cold, but I’ve always loved the cold and snow. If home is where the heart is, then my home will only exist when you’re here with me, because heart belongs to you. You and I belong together. Let me spoil you with the warmth and affection I have here in my heart, just for you. Together, we’ll make a home. So if your heart also belongs to me, then my love, please come home to me. I’ve missed you so much these past three years! Not a day has passed where I haven’t thought of you. So let’s please make our home together. Let’s please grow old and gray together.

I once sang for you about the longings of my heart to find and be with my soul mate. Do you still remember?

'Cause every time I think about you girl
Just wanna hold you in my arms
Wanna keep you safe
Wanna keep you loved
Wanna keep you nice and warm
Just wanna hold you in my arms
Forever

I guess I’m always blue these days, but every emotion… every sensation… every reminder that I’m still alive… it all traces its way back to you. All the years of my longing, yearning, suffering, hunger, and thirst for you… my love for you… I’m reminded every waking moment. When I close my eyes, I can only see your beautiful face. When I cover my ears, I hear your sweet voice. When I go to bed, I hope for blissful dreams of you. When I wake up, I want nothing more than to fall back asleep to dreams of you. I ache for you, because haven’t had the fortune of holding you in my arms or falling asleep with you in this lifetime. I just want to love you. To be with you. For you to be mine and for me to be yours. And when it rains like today… I’m especially blue. For you.

You are the one for me. I don’t understand why you can’t seem to understand this at all. I know you feel the same. I don’t understand why you won’t reciprocate this. Why all the mind games and BS Kdrama? Why complicate things so much? Can’t we just live? 🤪 Love? ❤️ Bee? 🐝 Together? Okay? 👉🏻👌🏻

I’m working my way back to you, but there’s only so far I can go alone. This is a two way street. Just shut up and come be in my arms already! 😭 You’re driving me crazy.

Thank you for the Christmas sweetness, my love. I know you’ve refrained yourself from me, because the skittlez addiction is too strong and you’ll be overwhelmed. But just like how you have so much power over me, I’m guessing I just might have a similar hold over you. I can never stay mad at you for long. When I’m hurting or angry, it’s only because I miss and want (need) you. You are my missing half. You complete me, so I wouldn’t be missing anything if I had you in my arms. There’s no sense denying it. We belong together.

I love you so much.

Be safe and be well, because life is precious. Time is precious. And you… are my everything!

Yog koj tseem hlub thiab nco kuv, ces los yuav kuv. 🚫🎯

Today is just another day without you. It’s supposed to be special and all about me, but yet it’s always all about you. I can’t seem to find any other meaning. Some shots of Patron later, I still remember. I guess it’s not doing what it’s supposed to? I miss you so much. And against my better judgement, I’m afraid I’ll always take you back. Even after everything you’ve done to hurt me.

Hmo no, kuv nco koj tshaj txhua txhua yam li os, Maiv Yaj es. Yog tau koj los ua kuv tug, ces yeej yuav hlub koj thiab nrog koj ua luag, ua khub, mus tas sim neej no. Thov kom koj muaj kev thaj yeej thiab kaj siab rau lub kaum ob hlis ntuj no. Kuv hlub hlub koj tshaj plaws li os, kuv tus mi Maiv Yaj es. 👶🏻🚫🎯👩🏻 Ua cas koj yuav tsis paub li os! #IMissYouSoMuch

From email December 16, 2021 at 2:28 AM PT

My Deerest Reason,

I know you’re busy with life and don’t have time for the likes of me. But I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas! And I hope you and the family are well. Crazy weather lately. And a new Covid wave is going nuts. Stay safe. Life is precious. Time is precious. But you… well, you already know how I feel about that.

It’s raining again today. It’s been raining this week. It’s been raining for some weeks. But that’s just what everyone else sees (or that they’ve just now noticed). It’s been raining in my heart for almost 3 full years to date. I’d managed to sandbag and pump my way around the on and off again flooding for some time, but there are periods of heavy deluge that bring right me back to those moments so many years ago. Well, unfortunately, this is one of them now.

Almost 3 years ago to this date, my heart was murdered, stabbed mercilessly and repeatedly, and I was left to die by the person I’d most trusted. The person I’d put all my hopes and dreams on. The person I’d loved the most in this life. I was simply abandoned with no explanation. I survived the brutal assassination, but now I’m just a shadow of my former self. And so the rain continues. The cold, wet, blood red rain that had started almost 3 years ago. It was once warm, but now it’s feeling just like the ambient outside temperature. I’m cold. I’m alone. I’m forgotten. But the irony of this all?

I actually still love her.