Nyob zoo nawb, tus Mavmim!

Hnub no nws nyob li cas lawm xwb os? Puas tau noj su na? Ntshe nws muaj muaj num ua, nws twb tsis tau noj li yom? Es nws hauj coffee xwb?

Ab, tam tseem! Ua cas kuv pheej ntaus ntaus ntawv tuaj rau nws li ne? Niag ntsej fam tsov tom ntxim ntxub no mas… dhuav dhau lawm… yom?

Kuv mi Mavmim, thov txhob txhawj tias kuv yuav rov niaj hnub ntaus ntawv tuaj nws li qub lawm. Txawm kuv lub siab xav npaum li cas, los kuv yeej paub tias nws tsis xav hnov tsis xav pom ab tsi los ntawm kuv. Kuv cog lus tias yuav tsis niaj hnub ntaus ntawv tuaj lawm. Ib, ces ntshe nws twb muab kuv nplaj lawm ces nws yuav tsis txais tau kuv tsaj ntawv ismias kiag li. Ob, ces ntshe nws yeej tsis quaj ntsej kuv tsab ntawv ismias li vim nws ntxub kuv dhau lawm. Nws twb tso tau kuv pov tseg peb xyoos nyob tau kab siab lug. Nws twb tsis nco tias tseem tshuav tus nyob no niag hnub nco nco nws li. Ua cas pheej lam rov ntaus ntawv tuaj li no?

Es, thov ua siab loj es zam ntxiv… tiam sis tsuas yog kuv nco nco kuv mi Mavmim xwb. Thiab pheej tso tsis tau nws pov tseg li nws tso kuv. Hlub dhau lawm. Niag ruam awb li kuv pab tsis tau. Lawv hu ua dork no.

Tseem muaj ib yam kuv tsis nkag siab mas yog tias vim li cas nws yuav ntxub tau kuv ua luaj li no. Kuv yeej tsis nco tiag tiag li tias kuv ua tau txhaum li cas rau nws lawm txij hmo December 28, 2018 los. Hais qhov tseej xwb xwb nawb. Raws li kuv nco tau, mas nws hu kuv Fevnpuv ob peb zaug hmo 28 ces kuv tseem tsaug zog lawm. Teb tsis tau nws xov hu. Ces nws cia li ntxub thiab ua phem rau kuv hmo ntawv los li lawm.

Txawm yog kuv tsis paub kuv qhov txhaum, los thov pab qhib nws lub siab es pab qhia kuv nkag siab thiab. Kuv yeej paub tias nws twb tso tau kuv pov tseg los lawm ntev. Thov pab kuv paub thiab pab kuv nco, es kuv thiaj li tso tau nws mus raws kiag li nws lub siab nyiam.

Hais tseem mas laj laj nyob hnub dhau hnub siab lwj tag lis no. Tsuas paub nco nws xwb. Lub ncauj hais tsis tau tawm rau luag hnov, tiam sis lub siab quaj puj pliv tas zaj tas zog nco nws txhua lub sij hawm. Tsis zoo ua neeg lawm li. Mov hlwb dhau. Mob siab tsis tag. Kuv mob txaus lawm os. Es nws ne?

Thov pab kuv, es kuv thiaj li tso tau nws tseg. Pab kuv pab nws. Yom? Kuv tsuas xav kom nws mus ua lub neej kaj siab, luag ntxhi, haum xeej xwb. Kuv tsis chim, tsis ntxub, tsis cib nyeej. Tiam sis kuv yeej yuav tu siab heev li. Qhov no ces yuav tsis muaj leej twg pab tau, vim kuv yeej hlub nws kawg siab kawg ntsws tiag tiag li. Tsis yog lam dag. Tsis yog lam smitten xwb. Txawm yuav taug txoj kev twg, los kuv yeej yuav khuv xim MYV tshaj plaws li hauv lub neej no. Xyov puas yuav muaj lub neej tom ntev rov los sib rhiav lawm.

Txawm li cas los thov kom hnub no zoo hnub, es hmo no zoo hmo, rau kuv mi Mavmim thiab nws mi tsev neeg. Nco tsoov noj su thiab noj hmo nawb! Kuv yuav tsis ntaus ntawv tuaj nws ntxim lawm… ib ntus… yog pab tau.

Sau npe,

Meej

Nyob zoo os tus Mavmis,

Koj nyob li cas lawm xwb os? Puas tseem nyob zoo li qub, los sis zoo tshaj qub lawm na? Tseem yog koj, los yog koj twb tawm hauj lwm lawm es lawv tso ib tug poj Meskas los nyeem koj cov ntaub ntawv hauj lwm xwb na? Kuv cia siab tias koj yeej muaj peev xwm kawg, ces ntshe koj twb tawm hauj lwm ntev lawm mus ua ib qho tshiab zoo tshaj qub. Ces tsab ntawv no kawg xav mu rau lub qhov khoob khoob qhov tsaus tsaus xwb. 👈 What does that even mean?

Ua nim no, kuv ces, kuv tsis tau nug koj moo ntev lawm es xav nug xwb os. Nco nco tej mi qub teb qub chaw qub hav qub zoov qub zos qub tsev qub liaj qub vaj qub qab tsib taug qub Reese’s qub Skittles qub phoojywg zoo tshaj. Lam xav paub xwb. Tsis muaj ab tsi thiab os.

Dab xwb!

Xav tias ntshe tsis muaj leej twg ua FOB tuaj rau koj lawm, ces tsam koj Laj Laj nyob li. Thiab kuv nco tias koj yeej hais dhau lawm tias sij hawm mus… qeeb qeeb li… yam li ib tug pog old Asian driver nyob fast lane. Los sis puas yog koj mus nyob Nyab Laj teb lawm na? Los sis… ntshe tsam koj mus ua Nyab Laj lawm? 😮

Kuv yeej nco tias koj tau hais kuv kom tsis tshob tim tauj koj ntxiv lawm… taab sis kuv lub me sab paab tsis tau. Hab khaus khaus tes le. Hab ncu ncu koj le. Hab koj yeej tau has, “I want you to try and save us every time” rua kuv kum paab cawg wb txuj kev hlub txhua txhua zaag.

I think that’s a license to bother you?

Ua nim no, thiab tsis muaj leej twg nrog kuv ntaus ntawv li lawm, ces kuv cia li peem mus ua ib niag neeg xiam hlwb ruam awb lawm… tsis ncu qaab sau ntawv Moob le caas taag! 😵

Thov txim pub nawb. Yuav mus pib qhia Daddy Daycare ABC ces… ntaus ntawv li no xwb os. Yog koj xav nyeem kuv ib co qub ntawv kuv tau sau tag tuaj rau koj lawm, ces mus rhiav koj npe xwb nyob Nkuvnkaum.

Sau npe,

Meej

I promised you old and gray. That’s hasn’t changed, my deerest love. Even through everything, I still want to grow old with you. I want us. I want only you.

Every day, every week, every month, and every year that passes by without you (or you without me), we’re getting older and time is wasted. I do hope you’re aware that we won’t get those years back. 😭💔

What’s the point of hoarding meme screenshots (and my messages for that matter) talking about wishing you had met me sooner, if you don’t even bother to take advantage of the time we have left on this earth? It’s a bit hypocritical, you think?

But It’s not too late to fix things. Well, unless I’m dead… then, yeah. But for now, I’m still alive, so…? Los yuav kuv nawb!

I refuse to give up on love without a fight. Especially for the love of my life. The one. I’d rather go down with the ship than let her go quietly. Sadly, even if it’s one sided. I already tried giving up. That didn’t last very long, because I ended up fighting myself. The the stubborn “Never Gonna Give You Up” side won. Rick Astley would be proud.

Some days, I find myself mad at you. Other days, I feel pity for you and your situation. I know it can’t be easy to be forced to accept what you aren’t entirely happy with, or to make a risky jump into something else that you might be happy with, but I also know you doubt yourself and doubt if the true happiness you long for might be too good to be true. But at the end of the day, or the day after anyway, I usually find myself simply missing you and punishing myself for ever being mad at you. To be honest, I’m mostly mad at myself and the situation, and for how helpless I am at getting to you and making you happy. Clearly, you weren’t/aren’t happy with me enough to warrant giving up your cushy-comfort life to be with me. For that, I guess it’s my fault for failing to bridge the gap and making the argument when I had the chance. To be fair, I didn’t think it would be forced on me so quickly. I thought we still had time. I thought we would just “bee” until you were ready to decide. And for the record, I had already made my decision and was making arrangements to make it happen, up until you threw me out with the trash. So is it truly my fault that you wouldn’t sacrifice something to get something else (better) in return? After all, you’re a grown woman and you make your own decisions.

If ever I’m mad at you, just remember that I’m mostly mad at the situation, not at you specifically. But it would help things if you didn’t treat me so badly, as well. There are things that could have been said or done better. Not that it matters, if you don’t care anymore. But it matters to me, because you once asked me to save us (every time) if I loved you, which I do. You also once said if you loved me, that you would hold your tongue. But three years ago, you clearly didn’t hold your tongue and you’ve gone anti-social radio silent ghost ever since, other than to scold me a couple times. I guess I must not be that special? It’s hard for me to gauge if you said and did all those things out of your own free will, or if you’re being coerced to say and do these things. You did hint that these things could happen. I’ve always kept that possibility in the back of my mind. But regardless, I will always forgive you, because I love you so much. And I ask the same of you, if you love me as much as you say you do (did).

In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to choose, because I would already be there with you and your home would be our home, and we’d be happily together and would never have to miss a single moment without one another. But in this imperfect word, we start sentences an awful lot with but, and we have to move with the punches, while maintaining our social expectations and sanity. I’m willing to make sacrifices to see us happen. Are you? Because all I have ever wanted was (still is) you. All I need is you. Life is precious. Time is precious. But you are the most precious of all.