M ♥️

From email Nov 15, 1:38 AM PT

Good morning my love. By the time you get this message, it should be Monday morning. I hope you’ve had a good night’s sleep and are ready to tackle the day. I’m tired, but still up thinking about you as always. Listening to music until I pass out. My thoughts always drift back to you, so there’s no sense fighting anymore.

Tomorrow, we’re going to face a major wind storm with wind gusts predicted between 40-50 mph, so that should be interesting. I hope the neighbor’s trash bins don’t fly and spill all over my yard like always. 🙄 And hoping there are no power outages.

I’m graduating my preschooler to numbers 1-20 from 1-10 forwards and backwards, so that’s a nice change. And of course, ABCs, tracing, singing, and memory games. That’s in addition to middle school and high school classwork and homework. I’m a very busy teacher. I’d like to think that going from Ds and Fs in public school to straight As at Daddy Daycare Preschool K-12 is a huge improvement, even if I risk being a tiger dad. No shame in being a tiger dad. I’m a tsov tom anyway.

Is there anything awesome that you’re doing this week? Anything exciting? My plans are lame. Just school, physical therapy, a Zoom call with another doctor, and then otherwise maybe do some trades. And to help pass the time, maybe watch a few movies and manboy some games. Since confuse me. I don’t enjoy playing very much. It’s just to help get my mind off things and get through the day.

I always drift back to you at all times. 🤪 So realizing I’m pretty much abandoned, I fill my time keeping busy. But it isn’t that easy, because I can’t get drunk and can’t use any substances to cheat, so you’re always on my mind even as I watch a movie, play a game, or listen to music. Especially music! It’s not so bad. I cherish my memories of you. But it hurts so much missing you and you’re nowhere to be found.

But enough about me. I mostly want to know you’re doing well in life, the kiddos are growing up well, and that you’ve sorted out issues we’ve talked about previously. Even though I’ll be forever heart broken and sad, I can live knowing you’re genuinely happy and flourishing. While I was near death, you were always on my mind. So coming out of that shit, I recognize that you are a powerful piece of my will to live. And because of that, your safety, wellbeing, and happiness come first. 🤗

It’s getting late here, so I’m going let you go. I’ll to try to listen to music and hope to dream of you. As alway, be a good mommy and be good to yourself. Life is precious. Time is precious. And you are the utmost precious thing to me in this world. I love and miss you so much! 🥰