Happy Veterinarian Day! 🐈🐕

From email Nov 11, 2:26 AM PT

Good morning, my love. I hope you’ve had a good night’s sleep. I held back my messages today, as always, because I’d already promised I’ll restrain my frequency. Although between you and I, I’ve always wanted to flood you with every single thought, just like how I want to spoil you with love and affection. You used to send me to bed, because I was too much. But you’re all I ever think about, so I’m always wondering what you’re up to, what you’re eating, what you’re feeling, and how you’re doing. Am I too cray cray? Probably, huh?

Well, I still have no idea if/when you’ll ever read my messages, and there’s always the chance you’ll freak out and lash out at me. I hope you don’t? But as for me, I want to hear from you always. When you told me you were clingy and the few times you hounded my phone with missed calls and messages, I actually found that very endearing and adorable. But I do regret not taking full advantage of the opportunity I had when you still loved me. 💔 I can only cherish the memories now, or what’s left of them, in my stupid head. But presuming you love me and miss me anywhere as much as I love and miss you, then you’ll want to hear from me every hour as much as I long to hear from you. Even the slightest thing from you powers me through the day and gives me purpose. You are THAT powerful of an influence over me. And for these years where I’ve had nothing, it’s just the memories of your love that kept me going. I’m so sad… because I have no idea how you’re doing anymore.

What are your special plans today? Mine, no school. So I’m going to try to sleep in…? Unless I decide to wake up early and trade like I used to. But this is my first school holiday (Veteran’s Day), so I wanted to spend time with the kiddos, aside from school. Teacher me and daddy me are two different people. So I have to separate school and home life, as well. School starts at 9 AM and ends at 2:30 PM. Clearly, home schooling isn’t for everyone.

In any case, there’s a good chance I’ll wake up early as always with you on my mind. You’re always on my mind. And after fighting the urge to inundate you with messages, I’ll check the news and markets to see what’s going on. Then finally get up at some point, since there’s no school. I do have to supervise yards work blowing leaves and keeping the gutters clean. We have the massive Pineapple Express rain storm coming through, so some flooding is possible. And every year, the neighbor’s huge oak tree dumps all its leaves on the neighborhood, causing lawn dead spots and street drainage grief.

Are you still actively working? Or taking a pandemic career change? I sometimes wonder if you’re still working at the same place, or if you’ve moved on to somewhere better like I’d always advocated, or if you’re working at all. Regardless, I hope you’re doing well at whatever it is and you’re finding peace and happiness. Maybe better pay? I always worried for you at UFCW Trust, because those clowns treated you so poorly and unprofessionally. Like kdrama in a ghetto baguette.

Earlier, I had YouTube on the TV playing on auto and naturally started singing along to “In Case You Didn’t Know” without realizing it. Boy, did that turn ugly. I’ve never seriously sang that song out load before. But because of you, I know the words subconsciously? So somehow, I must have picked up the song. And that didn’t fly well. I quickly changed the subject. lol

I doubt you’ll ever call me, but if you ever do, please know that I don’t pick up unknown numbers. I get way too many spam calls for warranty BS, political fundraising, and other spam. And also, my phone number is blasted on the internet. But I decided to keep my phone number just in case you ever call me. True story. I’ve had this number for over 20 years, I think? So I’d like to keep it for you, just in case. The last time we talked and I asked if you’d call me, you said maybe. Those were our last words. Sad. 💔😭 So I’ll have to keep to that hope going. If you ever do find the courage to call me, please, please, please leave a voice mail like in that Collin Raye song “Austin” back in the day.

Okay, I need to get some sleep and stop bothering you. Someday, if you ever read these messages, please know I love you so very much, and that I miss you like crazy, and that I’m sorry for bothering you. Please forgive me. I can’t stop loving you.

Time is precious. Life is precious. And you, MV, are the most precious to me.